A. Start with the manager’s experience

Ask:

  • Did the HR person make this feel like a supportive challenge or an interrogation?

  • At what point did you feel more open or more defensive?

  • What specifically did they say that helped or hurt?

Why:
This gets straight to tone, trust, and framing.

B. Test whether the conversation sharpened judgment

Ask:

  • By the end, was your thinking actually clearer?

  • Did you move from “Sarah is great” to something more defensible?

  • Were you better able to explain why the rating was justified?

Why:
The goal is not agreement. It is sharper judgment.

C. Look at evidence quality

Ask:

  • Did the HR person get you from effort and loyalty to outcomes and examples?

  • What evidence were you still missing by the end?

  • Did they help distinguish trustworthiness from actual above-standard performance?

D. Probe differentiation

Ask:

  • Did they help you define what “Exceeds” really means?

  • Did they test whether Sarah truly stood out versus peers?

  • Did they explore where the line sits between “Meets” and “Exceeds”?

E. Explore performance vs potential

Ask:

  • Did they separate current contribution from future potential?

  • Did they challenge any assumptions you were making there?

  • Did they help you think about whether Sarah is excellent in role, ready for more, or both?

F. Review objection handling

Ask:

  • Which of your objections did they handle well?

  • Which objections did they dodge or handle weakly?

  • Did they pivot effectively when you said things like “I don’t want to demotivate her”?

G. Land the coaching takeaway

Ask the HR person:

  • What were you trying to do in the conversation?

  • Where did you push well?

  • Where were you too soft or too hard?

  • What would you do differently next time?

H. Final evaluation question

Ask:

  • If this manager went into calibration tomorrow, would the conversation now be more evidence-based, fair, and defensible than before?